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Archive for December, 2012

Merry Everything! It’s Christmas!

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Dear Rachel,

I am spending Boxing Day in a house which no one has walked or driven past since Christmas Eve, when I arrived here via Land Rover straight off the train from London. I am about as far into the countryside as it is possible to get, and not being naturally rural would certainly have gone mad by now if the house in question were not equipped with merlot and Smarties in special fire extinguishers with which I can be hosed down by my companions whenever I feel a panic attack coming on.

This all means that I’m not spending Christmas with my old dear and, embracing technology, I suggested that we communicate by Skype, which involved setting her up with an account and such over the phone. I instilled the importance of taking care over filling in the registration form, as I sensed that this could be a bit annoying to someone who has yet to grasp the concept of a search engine and can only find things by typing the entire url of any given website into the address bar. Taking this advice, she confirmed what she was writing by loudly repeating each letter of her name as she typed it. The location part of the registration form was dealt with in a similar fashion. When we got to the password, I said that she should keep that to herself, so she observed security by loudly whispering each letter instead. The password was skype22 if you’re interested, although I have changed it now. In any case, access to my old dear’s Skype account would be fairly useless – I’m the only person on her contact list, and I’d know if you’d hacked it, because you wouldn’t spend the first eight minutes of the conversation away from the keyboard deciding which cardigan to wear.

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