bored of excitement – the griefjunkie blog 

Knitters With Attitude

Dear Rachel

Wedding reception music is brilliant, and I refuse not to dance to it. For me, the genius of the genre is that even though I rarely own any of the tunes being played by DJ Barry or whatever, it’s like Phil Collins or Jive Bunny themselves have been placed inside me through a zip on my spine and are now trying to dance themselves to freedom.

I am at a difficult age, though, when it comes to social gatherings such as these, because I am too old to be dancing in my own right and not old enough to be sitting things out by the buffet. I therefore regularly find myself chaperoning Small Girls In Pretty Dresses or Lovely Old Aunties – the pre teens and pre Wars, as I have latterly taken to referring to them – and always, it seems, to You Can’t Hurry Love. I’d love DJ Barry to drop Straight Out Of Compton in – if only because I could then refer to my more senior partners as Knitters With Attitude – but this seems unlikely. Thinking about it though, I might have that at my own wedding, assuming I have one, and hand out semi automatic weaponry before the service which can be discharged into the ceiling as a salute to the radiant new Mrs Griefjunkie as we leave the church.

Anyway. While I understand that the silent mouthing of key lyrics while dancing is a subject that divides the nation, I am very much in favour of it, especially when accompanying children or the semi infirm. You Can’t Hurry Love is your dream ticket here, as everyone knows the lyrics. In fact, as an experiment, get a pen and paper, start writing them now, and see how far you get. It’s like spirit writing or something. The words pour out of you. You just know them. Personally, I like to chuck in a finger wagging admonishment to underline the ‘No, you’ll just have to wait’ line, to further point out that Diana Ross – or Phil Collins, depending upon your DJ – have categorically nailed this particular fact down. Perhaps could have that as a tagline, instead of Please Get A Mortgage With Me While I’m Still Fertile, which I think is the one they currently use on their telly ads.

I am not in the habit of including lists in our blogs, and indeed look dimly upon it. However, we’re on Wordpress these days and that’s the proper Blogosphere or whatever, so bearing that in mind, here are The Top Ten Wedding Reception Songs What I Have Danced To:

1) You Can’t Hurry Love, usually by the Supremes, but Phil Collins also acceptable.

2) Walking On Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. I once saw someone dance to this while clutching a carrier bag full of animal legs, and I think mentioned it last year at some point.

3) Dancing Queen by Abba. Or Shuffling Queen, when with the elderly.

4) You Really Got Me by the Kinks. Yeah who the fuck isn’t dancing to this? Check out the black geezer at 1.10 who has either just come straight from work, is really into cookery, or has just had his kitchen invaded by mods. That’s the Swim, the Monkey, and the Stroll he’s doing there, which would be my suggestions also. Brilliant.

5) Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham. Yeah never say never, but I can’t see myself choosing to sleep with my typical wedding reception dance partners. They could, perhaps, knock quietly and leave my traditional breakfast of two mugs of Gold Blend and a kebab outside the door before go-going, I suppose.

I actually can’t think of any more. It’s just those 5 on a loop, I think.

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  1. Rachel

    Mar 6th, 2010
    9:10 pm

    50% of american weddings include Jump Around by House Of Pain. and 25% don’t have dancing.

    the sample size for these statistics is 4.

    i’m pretty sure that final 25% WOULD have put it on if there’d been more people on the dance floor besides two girls and one skeezy wedding crasher.

  2. Paul

    Mar 6th, 2010
    9:15 pm

    Come to a British wedding reception. They are a right larf. They are rapidly becoming sort of my favourite thing, in a way.

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