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ogm!!11 teh aminal’’s!1
Sunday, August 3rd, 2008 at 12:35 am | Write a comment
Ahoy there, casual lovers
Yeah last night saw a short wander up the canal for those of us in the East Yard to London’s popular London Zoo. They do these late opening evenings there now and then – a bit like a parents’ evening I suppose, where all the animals’ parents are invited in to chat to the zookeeper – and we get free tickets because we are the best. I had a hotdog and then saw a lion roar, then sneeze, then look embarrassed, and as you can imagine I was well chuffed with that.
Other highlights were the bats – which yeah i thought were a wind up too, but do actually exist – and the warthogs. I spend a lot of time at the zoo, and when at the warthogs am always reminded of a distraught Peter Corbett, who accidentally dropped an ice cream into the enclosure during a school trip when we were six. Anyway, we got to see most of the animals and all that, and it made a nice end to an alarming day in which Pikey Dave got his cock out and stood behind a woman who was asking me where Cyberdog was.
Those of you familiar with Dave’s teeth will I am sure not be in a hurry to contemplate the condition of his genitals but – and I’m afraid I must apologise here for lowering the tone, and ask that children and elderly relatives leave the room at this point – it is a sight to behold. I was first introduced to it at the traders’ Christmas party, when he took it out for no particular reason, and, terrified, I had to be restrained from breaking a barstool over it by Martin and Joe. Also, never lend Dave your phone, as he’ll try and shove it up his arse for a laugh.
Furthermore, Dave will constantly try and attach stall clips to you – though to be fair everyone does this to pass boring weekday afternoons. This does, however, sometimes produce comedy gold. I am thinking in particular of an episode involving Christian, a trusting bloke who sells stuff in the corner of the Yard. You can replicate the moment using weak people of your own acquaintance by getting them to attach a stall clip to each ear lobe saying yeah it does hurt but just see how long you can handle it for. It is pretty painful, but rendered funny by grabbing the persons’ arms so that they can’t take the clips off. Christian managed a full eight minutes, thereby establishing a new British record. We should send Dave to the Olympics to compete with other bored market traders. I predict gold for Great Britain, and Dave on the podium with his cock out for the national anthem.
Aug 4th, 2008
6:37 pm
I have a friend who can’t resist getting her breasts out, mostly at weddings or other social events. Imagine her and Dave in a room.
Aug 5th, 2008
12:03 am
Yeah, everyone knows some bird who will get her breasts out at weddings, funerals, job interviews or whatever. If she’s around in a couple of Sundays time, it’s Joe’s stag night up the Wellington, and at the moment we only have a vague promise from Cat the barmaid to strip if we get her drunk enough, so ask if she minds popping in and, as it were, popping out.
I’m afraid, however, the days when Dave was allowed to be in a room with an unattended lady are long gone.
Aug 6th, 2008
1:56 am
Its amazing how your talking about one thing and it leads on to another. First you talking about lions and hotdogs, next your talking about a man with grotesque teeth and genitals competing in the olympics…
i love camden
Aug 6th, 2008
10:05 am
Amazing on the one hand, Nick, and deeply troubling on the other.
We weren’t allowed to take Dave to the zoo, in case he started competing for food.