Bored of excitement – The griefjunkie blog 

Ahoy there, casual lovers

I decided to escape the
confines of Griefjunkie Towers and go to a county fair the other day, which
is how I came to be watching fourteen sullen labradors being led around
a field in the pouring rain to, improbably, Solitary Sister by Seal. I had been
particularly keen to see the display of working dogs in case they were
going to pull accountancy skillz out, but they had nothing more
remarkable than the ability to walk slowly in a big circle, although
one of them was pulling a tiny cart that had nothing in it. I am a
noted dogophile and tbh cant get enough of the hairy little fools, but
it was proper raining so I left them to their unenthusiastic wanderings
and took shelter in the Star Wars Role Players tent till it stopped.
I also entered a tombola, but won fuck all.

This was time I could ill-afford however – although come on, it was a
working dogs display – as this week has been largely taken up with
the accelerating preparations for Joe’s wedding. Two bits of news here: a)
there is only one legal bridesmaid and b) I am the vicar. I really am
actually the vicar. They are getting the civil bit done first off,
then everyone is trooping up a hill or something where what Joe and
Abby regard as the actual ceremony is taking place, and I am very
honoured to announce I have been asked to preside over it. Mental.
Wedding though innit, so it has to be above board, although it will be hard
to resist deliberately getting the names wrong for a larf and such, despite being reliably informed that I will be lanced with a champagne flute by the bride if I do. You really want to say ‘yeah if anyone knows of any reason why this man and this woman should not be joined in holy matrimony – apart from the obvious one that Joe is a shiftless fuckwit who can barely dress himself – please speak now’ but Abby would just go right off on one. I’ll probably conclude though by asking if anyone else fancies getting married while I’m there, or if there’s any christenings anyone needs to quickly get out of the way or whatever. It’s not every day you are temporarily ordained, seems a shame to waste it.

Today was very quiet at Camden, so Pikey Dave entertained us by showing us his orgasm face. It is horrible, and I can only hope he never shags me.