public grief junkie

The Oxfrod English Dictionary defines a 'publicgriefjunkie' thus:

griefjunkie (n) [gre'efjunkee}

One given to anguish or despair over causes, people or events with which no prior connection existed, in order to boost sense of personal worth and/or righteousness and/or loss.

publicgriefjunkie (n) [publikgre'efjunkee}

Public exhibitor of the same, often for the benefit of the popular press.

Origins

publicgriefjunkies became an identifiable phenomenon with the death of Princess Diana of Wales in 1992 or whenever, when a migratory instinct led hundreds of thousands to descend upon London, England. The national anthem of griefjunkies - Goodbye England's Rose - spontaneously wrote itself at this time, as a result of an unprecedented concentration of what scientists call the 'Upsetter than thou' enzyme being released into the atmosphere. In fact, so potent was this release of UTT enzyme that even animals were affected: a thousand-strong herd of bison in north America stampeded at walking pace as a mark of respect, and were described by eyewitnesses as being 'visibly moved'. Closer to home, ducks and swans in Hyde Park were seen giving bread thrown to them by children to London's homeless, saying that 'It's what she would have wanted'.

Twenty-first century, and beyond

The modern griefjunkie has been quick to adapt to the challenges of a boring new century. There is almost nothing about which contemporary griefjunkies are not outraged, troubled, or generally always going on about, which, matched with the ability to believe absolutely anything at all, makes them a formidable and embarrassing societal group. It is predicted that as the century drags on and on and on, implants will become available which will allow the space age griefjunkie to get upset about things that happened before he or she was actually born. Black market Battle of Waterloo implants are already rumoured to be in circulation, and police in Newcastle, England, recently raided an underground griefjunkie factory, seizing a 'worrying amount' of prototype 'Death of Richard the Lionheart' chips, with a street value of £150,000.

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