Something the matter?
This is Fran, our oldest ally, and this is as happy as she gets.
Fran deals with customer complaints, so make them good, or she'll punch your lights out.
She actually will. Seen it happen. Amazing lady.
We just wouldn't sell your details. That's Bad Stuff, and we wouldn't do it.
We'll do all we can to get your order in the post within three working days, if it's a standard kinda thing. Might take a bit longer if you're being awkward.
You know how this works. Don't be trying to send back stuff you've accidentally set fire to, worked grass stains into during a whirlwind summer romance, used to bandage gunshot wounds, and such. If there's for real something wrong with it, you send it home and we'll sort it out for you. But considering it's only Paul and occasionally his mum (with whom Paul is keen to point out he does not live, for any single ladies reading) who deals with your stuff, we know it's in good shape when it leaves us.
You have the right to cancel within seven days of purchase or seven days of receipt of the goods (whichever is the longer). You will of course have your payment returned promptly, and we'll arrange for you to return your t shirt, so we can nurse it's broken heart.
Credit and debit card payment on the website is encrypted and processed by Worldpay. We don't see your card details, neither does anyone else, and it's all as safe as safe can be. We'll get sorted out with PayPal in good time, but it costs a small fortune to set that kind of thing up and we are completely broked at the moment.
Yeah, we are a miniscule operation but don't play us for mugs. Everything on here is copyright, and it's all we've got, so we're going to be pretty unhappy if you start stealing bits. To avoid waking up in a bed doused with petrol to the sound of a zippo lighter being flicked open, ask us if you want to borrow anything. We'll almost certainly say yes, as we are notoriously nice to deal with, but manners are everything.