Poppadom Preach apron 

Photograph: Poppadom Preach apron

Elderly singer Madonna first sung this in the '80s, on account of her being in 'trouble deep'. Further analysis of the lyrics reveal that back then she preferred to keep her own babies, rather than go to Africa and buy other peoples'.

(Product consists of 50% apron 50% wording. Apron itself is catering quality poly-cotton, suitable for any kind of ill treatment you might want to give it. It also looks a lot nicer in real life than it does here, which will be a relief to cyber shoppers.)

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