Pyrex Of The Caribbean apron
Think 'piracy', and you automatically also think 'kitchenware'. This is the ideal apron to have to hand if you need to make scurvy dogs walk the plank, or find your timbers shivering, or whatever.
(Product consists of 50% apron 50% wording. Apron itself is catering quality poly-cotton, suitable for any kind of ill treatment you might want to give it. It also looks a lot nicer in real life than it does here, which will be a relief to cyber shoppers.)